we shot the film tonight. it went pretty well, it was a bit cold. and i think we sorta ran outta time, but i think we got most of what we needed. i was directing tonight, and i honestly felt a bit inexperienced, cuz that's true. but my experienced pals all helped me out and we got stuff done the best we could. my friend tommy was helping with the random stuff and he was really good runnin stuff around, so i felt good having him be part of the team. also my friend from work, walt, showed up to take pictures of us. he has a degree in photography, so he had all his cameras and claimed that he had fun. the girl in the film, tara, had to smoke all these sorta fake cigarettes. i felt horrible for her cuz they smelled so bad and bleh. they smelled like this wicked nasty black licorice. they were tobacco free light herbal cigarettes. she did not inhale, which is good. i have a few pictures from the night, i guess i have to be in most of them in order for any of them to mean anything to anyone. tommy took all these photos.

the building of monticello is coming along. though my week has instantly been jammed up to work on the film on friday. that's the big night, hopefully all goes as planned, something tells me to fear that nite. there's already things i know will go wrong. i've even had to push back my long awaited hair trim from my pal liesel. anyway, tonight we shall definitely find the location. hey here's a picture of the crew working on the monticello a few days ago. i'm the sore thumb in black holding the shovel.

also, my brother has started a new blog and it's hilarious as ever. i highly reccomend giving it a good look. here. http://thecsb.tblog.com" title="http://thecsb.tblog.com" target="_blank"http://thecsb.tblog.com

we worked on monticello the entire afternoon. it was a half day at work. today totally felt like a saturday, it was very weird. it's too weird to explain a pic full of tons of people, so i chose this picture of my improv band, the magic fingers. i'm the one on the right. the blonde people with me, liesel and travis, sister and brother. we're eating gross wheat crackers if you can't really tell. so yes. brand new, presidents day 2/21/05. enjoy.

i had all these ideas to write about today. but i think i've forgotten them all. last nite me and the gang all took a depression test and a manic test, it was a wild saturday night. i was surprised at a couple people's answers, i wouldn't think they had problems with some things, but i stand corrected. somebody was writing a poem about the final moment before dying, so i had to weigh in. this is what i came up with. what someone would be thinking the final moment before death, in poem form! fun for all. it's like a cross between decemberists lyrics and blanche lyrics. oh and just for note, we are supposedly shooting my video on.. friday, the 25th. hope all goes well. and now, the poem.

travis invented new words. one word to describe something cool is "kruz" he picked up these stupid sunglasses last nite and was like "oh check these out, they're totally kruz." other words invented "fangley, dahaj, chupper." you hafta say chupper funny too. so yes, we get kind of weird sometimes. weekend was pretty unproductive. worked a tiny bit on monticello, hopefully we're getting our lumber tomorrow. all of it. we'll begin work asap. i worked a bit on the storyboard for my short film of which i am directing and producing with no experience. i have no idea how i'm gonna pull it off. and yes, we finally took a picture of the site of monticello. more to come.

here's how i feel as of this second:

to squeeze or force by pressure so as to alter or destroy structure -

this is the definition of crushed. lots of things about me have been crushed the past couple weeks. my pride at work has been crushed, so has my reputation. my interests have been crushed. a friendship. my ability to write any kind of decent sounding tune. my ego's taken a blow, but isn't down for the count, it's close though. ego = confidence. i'm constantly worrying about things i'm gonna have to spend my money on. i'm constantly being attacked on all fronts and having to defend myself from everyone, which is exhausting me mentally and physically. every day is becoming less and less fun. people think i'm a totally different person than i used to be. it's all so weird. i dunno how things got this way. however, i suppose the only thing to look forward to this month is the short film project. i wrote this neato short film for my friend. it's based on a song, which i cannot reveal cuz i don't want anything to get spoiled just yet. i'm producing and directing it. i have no idea how i'm gonna do either cuz i'm never done either before. it will be quite the stressing night, i can see. hopefully we'll get schedules and a location put together within the next couple of weeks and it will all get started, worked on, and finished by the end of the month.

ok i can now rest easy. the rumors reguarding my fav band in the world BLANCHE breaking up, are false. here's what it has to say about it

BLANCHED IN
We're told that the quickly circulating rumours surrounding Blanche disbanding that we previously reported are unsubstantiated. In fact, Blanche's Dan Miller says, "that's news to me." He goes on to say, "We just played Friday in Lansing and are going to Austin next month for SXSW, Magic Bag on April 1st and then Australia/New Zealand after that...I don't know....maybe I'm imagining all of this?" - my source is the detroit dish, your place for any news on detroit and its neato bands. http://www.motorcityrocks.com" title="http://www.motorcityrocks.com" target="_blank"http://www.motorcityrocks.com...

we may all rejoice. and just for some footnotes here, if you're somebody who shouldn't be reading this blog (you know who you are, unless you've already disappeared within yourself) and you're reading this right now, you're very sad. and weak. muahahaha!