i was thinking today that there are a lot of misconceptions about me. what kind of image am i putting out? i've been judged/concieved a pothead, a slacker, a goody goody, the hardest worker, a stick in the mud, a rebel, lazy, a sadist, an evil manipulative jerk, and a do gooder. i think i've heard someone call me all of these. but what really am i? am i any of these things? am i all of em? i think i'm some of both. except the non working stuff, that's just totally untrue. i get super defensive about my work. must be the pride. but you gotta take pride in something, might as well be what you do most of your life. one of the best double takes i've seen in the past month was when the smarmy computer guy at our work made some crack about it's good for me to run across the room to answer the phone cuz i need it. or something. and my boss was standing behind me and he says to the computer guy "what the heck are you talking about? he runs like 5 miles a night." the computer guy mumbled something and crawled back to wherever he came from.

now, the 5 mile a night thing is pretty close. it's more like 3. but yeah. it's funny and frustrating at the same time to see what people think about me. or see how little they actually know about me. should this be taken as insecurity that i'm asking these questions to myself? maybe. but maybe insecurity is only real if you ask the questions aloud. everyone has doubts about everything. it's just how well you hide em that makes you look confident and the more confident you are, the more double takes you'll get.

there's really nothing to do at all. waiting to see the decemberists on conan. it's a big night for indie pop, especially if they play the right song and nail it. i'm running 1 experiment at the moment. i wonder how it's gonna turn out. i've got a lot on my mind at once. doing all this research at work. hafta prove all this crap to get a raise. mindblowingly weird math and statistics. but basically so far i've discovered it do about 60% more work than the average worker. so basically it takes 1.75 people to replace me. or something... and cuz i work so fast i end up saving the company about 50 dollars a day doing whatever it is i'm doing. not bragging. the stats don't lie. i was kinda embarrassed, meself. actually, not really. i knew i worked hard. now i have proof. i'll write in once i find out what the results of the great experiment are. and maybe i'll write what it is. i can say it's failing, so far.

this post is really crappy, i just decided.

pretty quick week. the days at work have been dragging lately. nothing's been coming through the door so it creates this weird stress of having to find work for people. but it's the weekend and i'm not thinking about any of that. i've been running 4 nights a week an average of 3 miles per night. it sux, but at least i'm not so sore anymore. i wrote some post on the 4th of july but tblog was quite unstable yet again at the time, and well.. it got lost in cyberspace. tonight we did the 4 day late 4th of july dead like me junk out q-claw extravaganza. it wasn't planned to well. we ended up with 3 people, 20 burritos, too much dip, and not a whole lot of appetite to down it all. so gross. the lady in the grocery store line asked us "how are you guys doin tonight?" my reply was simple and honest "we're gonna be really sick..." and yeah, the one dollar bet at the very end of the night ended up being so gross. paid travis that dirty money to mop up his sweat with a burrito and then... *avert your eyes if you get sick easily* eat the burrito. sure enough, he did. with the now world famous quote of "eww.. it tastes like me."

here's a picture of me and travis doing our "band photo pose"

i was recently asked by a pretty much random person what i do with my spare time. they asked more like.. "what does everyone do if they're not on drugs?" so me, being a drug free soul was qualified to answer. and my reply was something on a semi rant, but i'd like to call it more of an observation..

spare time.. after work.. i usually stay later at work because i hate going home. there's nothing to do and my roommates are loud and retarded and ALWAYS in the same place doing the same thing. it makes me furious and sad and thirst for their blood, basically. eww maybe not that. but i wish for their painful deaths. anyway... on regular days in my spare time i find some time to play on the guitar, recently i've been browsing through message boards cuz you can find some cool stuff sometimes on band boards like leaks/bootlegs/whatev.. i try to keep in touch with family and acquaintances.  i hang out with my 'friends' once a week usually. i sometimes lay around and wallow in my own misery. this isn't really much of a woe is me thing. just more of a state of exhaustion. i go to movies. i run about 3 miles a night 4 nights a week. catch up on brilliant cancelled tv shows. write. read. that kinda junk. it's weird thinking about your mundane activities, yet it intrigues me so.

but what's the point of listing what we do? if we wanted to be productive or profound we could list what we do and then list things you can improve or change about your crappy life. or we could just stick to the misery. just a thought. i for one would like to make new friends in my regular life. all my friends are now gone or ignorant leeches. seems everywhere i turn, i'm surrounded by just.. ignorant people. people who don't realize anybody else in the world but them exists. it's become so bad that they can even literally run right into you without noticing you're standing there. i'm taking another sentence to remind everyone that this is an observation, not a rant. it's just something that dawned on me. everybody i know is totally selfish. i admit i watch out for #1. but when it comes down to it, i can take a step back and see the big picture and do the right thing even though it may not benefit me in any way. i've done this on numerous occations though a lot of people would say otherwise. my selfish ways out number the good ways, but i'm not a monk or something. i just wish other people weren't so driven by lust and selfishness and all that junk. they seem totally consumed. and i'm not talking about a national level. this is on a personal level. what i see every day. i could care less about what the rest of the universe is doing most of the time. why can't we all just ignore each other but respect each other at the same time too? an entire world of people like me...? that'd be another one for my ego.